S12 Ep3 — The Leadership Skill Nobody Teaches: Managing Different People

Have you ever managed someone and thought: “Why do they need so much reassurance?”

Or: “Why won’t they just make a decision?” 

Maybe you’ve noticed that one colleague thrives when they’re given complete freedom, while another performs at their best with regular check-ins, clear direction and ongoing support.

Or perhaps you’ve experienced how the same piece of feedback can motivate one person but completely knock another person’s confidence.

And in those moments, it’s easy to assume someone is difficult, resistant or lacking capability.

But often, the real issue is much simpler.  They’re different.

In this episode of Your Path to Career Success, we explore one of the most important leadership skills that many managers are never taught: how to manage different people.

Because effective leadership isn’t about getting everyone to work the way you do.

It’s about understanding what helps each individual succeed.

We explore why:
 • Treating everyone exactly the same isn’t always fair
 • Different people need different levels of support, challenge and communication
 • Communication mismatch is one of the biggest causes of workplace tension
 • Great leaders replace judgement with curiosity and ask, “What might be driving this behaviour?”
 • Strong relationships and psychological safety create the conditions for people to do their best work

We also discuss the shift that happens when leaders stop asking: “How would I want to be managed?”

And start asking: “What does this person need from me?”

Because leadership isn’t about changing people into versions of ourselves.

It’s about creating the environment where different people can bring their strengths, build confidence and become the best version of themselves.

If there’s one takeaway from this episode, it’s this: The best leaders don’t manage everyone the same way.
They stay consistent in their values while adapting their approach to help different people succeed.

Next Episode:
 🎙️ Season 12, Episode 4 — Staying Calm, Clear and Credible Under Pressure

In the next episode, we’ll explore another essential leadership capability: how to stay composed and communicate with confidence when pressure increases.

We’ll look at why people pay close attention not only to the decisions leaders make, but also to how they respond when things don’t go to plan.

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📘 Published on 29th June 2026: From Ready to Leader – The Leadership Leap: How to Find, Win and Thrive in Your First or Next Leadership Transition
This book explores the hidden realities of stepping into leadership and what it really takes to grow beyond competence into confident, intentional leadership.

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🗣️ I mention my Career Agility Programme in this episode — a six‑session development experience designed to help organisations retain, develop and accelerate high‑potential talent. It supports emerging leaders to build clarity, confidence and visibility in their career progression, combining practical tools, reflective exercises and behavioural insight to strengthen internal pipelines and leadership capability. You can find more details here: https://www.thecareerowl.co.uk/webinarsandmasterclasses.html

Transcript

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Have you ever managed someone and thought:
"Why do they need so much reassurance?"

Or perhaps:
"Why won't they just make a decision?"

Maybe you've worked with one colleague who thrives when they're given complete freedom, while another performs much better with regular check-ins and clear direction.

Or perhaps you've noticed that the same piece of feedback motivates one person but completely knocks another person's confidence.

The interesting thing is that none of those people are necessarily more capable than the others.
They're simply different.

Yet many leadership challenges begin when we assume everyone should think, communicate and work the same way we do.

One person values independence.
Another values collaboration.
One person likes to move quickly.
Another wants time to think things through.
One person wants the bigger picture.
Another wants the detail.

And before long, misunderstandings begin to appear.
Not because people are difficult.
Not because they're incapable.
But because they're different.

Today's episode is about one of the most important leadership skills that very few people are ever taught: how to manage different people.

Because leadership isn't about changing people into versions of ourselves.
It's about understanding what helps each individual succeed.

We'll explore why treating everyone the same isn't always fair, why communication mismatch creates so much workplace tension, and how the very best leaders adapt their approach without compromising their values.

Whether you're already leading a team or preparing for your first management role, learning how to manage different people could become one of the most valuable leadership skills you'll ever develop.






Hello and welcome back to Your Path to Career Success, the podcast that helps you build the skills, confidence and strategies to thrive in your career.

I'm your host, Kathryn.

This podcast is here to help you navigate the real world of work—not just the job titles and promotions, but everything in between. From figuring out your next career move, to stepping into leadership for the first time, to rebuilding confidence after setbacks, we'll cover the moments that actually shape your career.

Think of it as a mix of practical advice, honest conversations and real stories from people who've been there. Each episode is designed to give you insights you can actually use—not theory, not fluff, but things you can take into your working life straight away.

And most importantly, it's a space where we make sense of the messy bits together, because career growth is rarely a straight line.

So grab your coffee or tea, hit play and let’s make your career journey a bit less scary and a lot more fun.

Part 1 – Why managing people is different from managing work
Many people become managers because they were excellent at doing their job.
They consistently delivered results.
They solved problems.
They built expertise.

And then one day they're promoted into leadership.

The challenge is that being good at your job doesn't automatically mean you've been taught how to lead people.

Because leadership isn't just about managing tasks.
It's about managing relationships.

Every member of your team brings different experiences, different strengths, different motivations and different ways of working.
Some people need encouragement before they'll take a risk.
Others want you to challenge them.
Some appreciate detailed guidance.
Others simply want to understand the outcome and then get on with it.

The most effective leaders recognise that there isn't a single leadership style that works for everyone.

Instead, they become students of people.
They stay curious.

And curiosity is one of the most underrated leadership skills.
When someone behaves differently from us, our instinct is often to judge.
"Why are they so quiet?"
"Why do they ask so many questions?"
"Why can't they just get on with it?"
Great leaders replace judgement with curiosity.

Instead of asking, "What's wrong with this person?"

They ask,
"What might be driving this behaviour?"

That one question changes conversations.
It changes relationships.

And ultimately, it changes performance.

Part 2 – Why treating everyone the same isn't always fair
One phrase you'll often hear is:
"I treat everyone exactly the same."

It sounds fair.

But good leadership isn't about treating everyone identically.

It's about treating everyone equitably.

Imagine two people join your team.
One has ten years of experience.
The other has just started their first professional role.

Giving both exactly the same level of support probably isn't helping either of them.

The experienced colleague may feel micromanaged.
The new colleague may feel abandoned.

Or think about feedback.
One employee might appreciate hearing constructive feedback immediately after a meeting.
Another might benefit from having time to reflect before discussing it.

Neither preference is right or wrong.
They're simply different.

This is where emotional intelligence becomes so important.
Emotionally intelligent leaders recognise that people experience situations differently.

The same conversation can motivate one person and completely overwhelm another.
The goal isn't to lower standards.

It's to adapt the way we help different people meet those standards.
Your expectations remain consistent.
Your values remain consistent.

What changes is your approach.
That's not inconsistency.
That's effective leadership.
Part 3 – Why communication mismatch creates conflict
One of the biggest causes of workplace tension isn't poor performance.
It's poor communication.

Let's imagine a manager says:
"I need this completed as soon as possible."

It sounds straightforward.
But everyone interprets it differently.

One person hears,
"I'll stay late tonight."

Another hears,
"I'll get it done this week."

Someone else wonders,
"Which part is the priority?"

While another delays starting because they don't yet have enough information.

The manager thinks they've communicated clearly.
The team walks away with four completely different interpretations.

The problem wasn't capability.
It was clarity.

This happens every day in organisations.

We often assume we've communicated because we've spoken.

But communication only succeeds when the other person understands what we intended.

And here's something I think we often overlook.
Great communication starts with listening.

Many new managers think communication is mostly about explaining things well.
Actually, it's about listening well.

When people feel genuinely heard, they become more willing to tell you what's really happening.
They share concerns earlier.
They offer ideas more freely.
They indeed trust you more.

Sometimes the most powerful leadership tool isn't saying the right thing.
It's creating enough space for someone else to speak.





Part 4 – What great leaders do differently
One of the biggest shifts in leadership happens when you stop asking,
"How would I want to be managed?"

And start asking,
"What does this person need from me?"

Some people need confidence.
Others need challenge.
Some value regular updates.
Others value trust and independence.

The very best leaders don't become different people depending on who's standing in front of them.
Their values remain exactly the same.

What changes is how they communicate those values.

Sometimes the most powerful question a leader can ask isn't,
"How do I improve performance?"

It's,
"How can I help this person succeed?"

That simple shift moves leadership away from control and towards empowerment.

Because leadership isn't about being the hero.
It's about helping other people become successful.

The best leaders don't need to have all the answers.
They ask more questions.
They listen carefully.
They notice what motivates different people.
They recognise when someone needs support...
...and when someone simply needs space.

Part 5 – Why strategic relationships matter
As your career progresses, your success becomes less about what you know and more about how well you work with other people.

Leadership is built on relationships.

People are far more likely to trust a leader who understands them than one who simply tells them what to do.

Trust creates honest conversations.
Honest conversations improve performance.
Strong relationships create psychological safety.
And when people feel psychologically safe, they're far more willing to ask questions, admit mistakes, contribute ideas and challenge thinking respectfully.


People don't do their best work when they feel judged.
They do their best work when they feel understood.
That's why strategic relationships matter.

Not because you're trying to be everyone's friend.
But because trust allows people to bring their best thinking to work.

Part 6 – Bringing it back to your career
This is why understanding how to manage different people forms part of the Clarity and Capability Awareness stage of my CAREER Agility Programme.

Because leadership starts with self-awareness.
But it grows through awareness of other people.

In fact, it's one of the themes I explore in my new book, From Ready to Leader. Throughout the book I talk about how leadership isn't about having all the answers, it's about understanding yourself, understanding other people and creating the conditions where they can thrive. Today's episode is really one chapter of that much bigger conversation.

The more you understand how different individuals think, communicate and respond to change, the more effectively you can adapt your own leadership.

The goal isn't to become a different leader for every person.
It's to become a more flexible leader.
One who remains authentic.
One who remains consistent.

But one who understands that bringing out the best in people often requires different conversations, different encouragement and different approaches.

Because leadership isn't about getting people to become more like you.
It's about creating the conditions where people can become the very best version of themselves.

One question to take into your week
So here's a question I'd like you to reflect on this week.
Think about someone you find difficult to communicate with at work.

Instead of asking,
"Why are they so difficult?"

Try asking,
"What might they need from me that I'm not currently giving?"

Then take it one step further.
Ask yourself,
"Am I being curious… or am I making assumptions?"

Because some of the biggest improvements in working relationships don't come from changing other people.

They come from changing our own approach.
Next week's episode
And speaking of adapting ourselves...

Next week we're exploring another leadership capability that's often overlooked but incredibly powerful.
We'll look at how to stay calm, clear and credible under pressure.

We'll explore why people pay just as much attention to how leaders respond as they do to the decisions leaders make, and practical ways to communicate with confidence when things don't go to plan.

Whether you're managing difficult conversations, leading through change or simply dealing with the pressures of everyday work, it's an episode you don't want to miss.

Closing
I'm Kathryn, and this is Your Path to Career Success.

Remember...
Leadership isn't about getting people to become more like you.

It's about learning how to bring out the best in people who aren't.

Because understanding builds trust.
Trust strengthens communication.
Communication creates stronger relationships.
And strong relationships create opportunities.

Leadership isn't about being the star of the show.

It's about creating an environment where other people can shine.

Thank you so much for listening.

If you're enjoying this leadership series and would like to explore these ideas in more depth, you'll find many of them in my book, From Ready to Leader, where I share practical tools, reflection exercises and real-world examples to help you become the kind of leader people genuinely want to follow. You'll find a link in the show notes.

I'll see you next time.