S6 Ep1: 10 Tips for Handling Conflict and Difficult Conversations

In Season 6, Episode 1 of Your Path to Career Success, I dive into the crucial topic of handling conflict and navigating difficult conversations. Whether you’re in a leadership role or working closely with a team, knowing how to manage these situations effectively is an essential skill.

In this episode, I share 10 practical tips to help you approach tough conversations with confidence.

Here’s a breakdown of some key strategies:
•Stay Calm and Centred:
oTake a moment to breathe and stay grounded. If emotions are running high, it’s okay to pause. Staying calm helps keep the conversation productive and prevents saying things you might regret.
•Listen Actively:
oFocus on hearing the other person’s perspective before jumping in. This shows that you value their input and can often uncover solutions or insights you might not have considered.
•Use “I” Statements, Not “You” Statements:
oInstead of blaming, use language like “I’m feeling concerned” or “I’ve noticed…” This shifts the focus from accusation to understanding, fostering more constructive dialogue.
•Be Specific and Focus on Behaviours, Not Personality:
oTalk about actions rather than attacking someone's character. For example, say “I noticed that the last few deadlines were missed” instead of “You’re lazy.” This keeps the conversation focused on resolving issues rather than personal attacks.
•Stay Solution-Focused:
oAsk questions like, “How can we work together to resolve this?” or “What support do you need?” to shift the conversation towards finding a way forward, rather than lingering on the problem.

I also talk about the importance of:
•Avoiding public confrontation
•Practicing empathy
•Maintaining a respectful tone throughout
•Knowing when to seek mediation if needed

I wrap up by encouraging you to reflect on your own experiences with handling tough conversations and what’s worked for you. I hope these tips help you build stronger relationships with your team and improve communication in challenging situations!

👉 What's the most challenging conversation you've had at work, and how did you handle it?
Share in the comments or email me at kathryn@thecareerowl.co.uk.

Useful Resources
Books:
•Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High by Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, and Al Switzler
•Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, and Sheila Heen
Articles:
•How to Handle Difficult Conversations at Work (Harvard Business Review)
[Link: https://hbr.org/2019/03/how-to-handle-difficult-conversations-at-work]
•The Art of Managing Difficult Conversations (Forbes)
[Link: https://www.forbes.com/sites/forbeshumanresourcescouncil/2021/03/01/the-art-of-managing-difficult-conversations/]
Videos and TED Talks:
•How to Have Difficult Conversations by Celeste Headlee (TEDx)
[Link: https://www.ted.com/talks/celeste_headlee_10_ways_to_have_a_better_conversation]
•The Power of Vulnerability by Brené Brown (TED Talk). [Link: https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_the_power_of_vulnerability] 

What next?
A big thank you for tuning in to Your Path To Career Success –

Transcript

Welcome to Your Path to Career Success! I’m Kathryn, and wow—can you believe it this episode kicks off Season 6 of the podcast! 

I’m so excited to be here with you today, and I want to thank you for being a part of this journey. It feels like just yesterday we were starting out, and now we’re diving into a whole new season.

In today’s episode, we’re tackling something that’s crucial for anyone in a leadership role or working closely with a team—handling conflict and having difficult conversations. Whether you’re managing a team, working on a project with colleagues, or navigating relationships within your organisation, knowing how to approach these situations effectively is a skill every leader needs.

But before we jump in, I invite you to grab your favourite beverage, find a comfy spot, grab a notebook or just sit back and relax.  

Now let’s dive into 10 tips for handling conflict and difficult conversations, with strategies that lead to open, honest communication—even with the most challenging team members. Let’s get started!

Tip 1: Stay Calm and Centred
First off, stay calm. Easier said than done, right? When a difficult conversation is on the horizon, emotions can get high, especially if there’s tension. The key here is to breathe and stay grounded. If you're feeling triggered, it’s okay to take a pause. You’ll do much better if you remain calm because emotions, whether yours or theirs, can cloud judgment. And when we’re emotionally charged, we often say things we don’t mean.

Imagine this: you're having a tough conversation with a team member who's not pulling their weight. It’s frustrating! But if you can stay composed, you’ll be able to communicate more clearly and resolve the issue in a way that’s productive for both parties.

Tip 2: Listen Actively
Tip number two: listen actively. This one can be a game-changer. When things start to get heated, it’s easy to jump in and defend your point of view, but actively listening to the other person will not only give you more insight into their perspective, but it also helps the other person feel heard and valued.

Try saying something like, “I hear you’re frustrated with the current workload. Can you explain a bit more about what’s going on from your side?” This shows you’re open to understanding and not just coming from your own position.

Tip 3: Use “I” Statements, Not “You” Statements
Next, use “I” statements instead of “you” statements. It’s so easy to fall into the trap of saying, “You always…” or “You never…” That’s the kind of language that leads to defensiveness. Instead, try something like, “I’m feeling concerned about how the project is progressing,” or “I noticed we’re having some challenges meeting deadlines.”

This shifts the conversation from blame to expressing your own feelings and observations, which helps to open up more constructive dialogue.


Tip 4: Be Specific and Focus on Behaviours, Not Personality
Tip number four: be specific about the issue and focus on behaviours, not personalities. When you’re addressing a concern, talk about the actions, not the person’s character. Instead of saying, “You’re lazy,” say, “I noticed that the last few deadlines were missed, and I’d like to understand what happened.”

It’s important to frame the conversation around behaviours that can be changed, rather than attacking the person’s character, which will only put them on the defensive.

Tip 5: Stay Solution-Focused
Now, tip five: stay solution-focused. The point of having a difficult conversation isn’t to dwell on the problem, but to find a way forward. Ask questions like, “How can we work together to resolve this?” or “What support do you need to make this better?” This encourages collaboration and shows that you're focused on solving the issue together rather than just highlighting the problem.

Tip 6: Avoid Public Confrontation
Tip number six: avoid public confrontation. Nobody likes to be called out in front of others, and it can make the situation worse. When addressing a conflict, it’s always better to do it privately. This allows both of you to express yourselves openly without the fear of judgment or escalation.

Tip 7: Manage Expectations with Clear Communication
Tip seven: manage expectations through clear communication. Setting clear expectations from the get-go and revisiting them as needed can prevent a lot of conflicts down the road. If there’s ambiguity in what’s expected of a team member, that’s where tension can arise. Make sure that when you set expectations, they’re understood and achievable.

Tip 8: Practice Empathy
Empathy is another critical one—practice empathy. Try to put yourself in the other person’s shoes. If they’re struggling with something, maybe it’s not about you or the team—it could be something in their personal life or a lack of resources. Empathy is about acknowledging that you’re both human, and we all face challenges. Showing empathy can break down barriers and lead to a more productive conversation.

Tip 9: Keep Your Tone Respectful
Tip nine: keep your tone respectful. It’s not just what you say, but how you say it. When emotions are involved, it’s easy for the tone to shift, but remember, you’re aiming for a respectful conversation. Avoid sarcasm, raising your voice, or dismissing the other person’s feelings. A calm and respectful tone encourages openness and lessens the chance of further escalation.

Tip 10: Know When to Seek Mediation
And finally, tip ten: know when to seek mediation. If you’ve tried all the tips and things are still stuck, it might be time to bring in a neutral third party, like a manager or HR. Sometimes, having an impartial person in the room can help resolve conflict and offer a fresh perspective. Don’t be afraid to ask for help if it’s needed.

So there you have it, folks—10 tips for handling conflict and difficult conversations in a way that leads to better communication and stronger relationships with your team members. Remember, conflict is inevitable, but how you handle it can make all the difference in your leadership journey.

Before we wrap up, I’d love to hear how you manage tough conversations. What’s worked for you? Feel free to share your thoughts on social media or reach out directly.
If this episode lit a fire within you, hit that subscribe button, share the love with a review, and spread the wisdom with your friends and coworkers. Alternatively follow me on LinkedIn Kathryn Hall “The Career Owl”.

Thank you for tuning in, and I’ll see you next time on Your Path to Career Success! Stay calm, stay open, and keep leading the way!